


Drink Milk. Live.

by rAnines (clockworkcorvids)



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Humor, M/M, Prompt Fill, inspirobot, this is a mess and im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-02-10 03:15:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21452818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkcorvids/pseuds/rAnines
Summary: All the dialogue in this fic was generated byInspirobot.I apologize in advance. I promise I'm working on actual serious projects.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 12
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

Gavin was arguing with Hank, and he was angry. He scoffed. “It’s your fault and your fault only if your colleague is boring.”

Hank leaned forward and glared at him. “Lawsuits are scary.”

Before he could further threaten Gavin, their argument was interrupted by the distressing, vague sense of unease that always accompanied the arrival of one very special android: the RK900 prototype, also known as Nines.

“Here comes conformity,” Nines said as he sat down on Gavin’s desk. Like almost everything in Gavin’s life, he had disrupted the order of Gavin’s workspace. He was holding a coffee, which he placed in Gavin’s hand.

“Know food. Know love,” he said.

“After a prayer, comes a parent,” Hank replied. He was always full of wisdom like that.

“After the dawn of man, comes the smoke,” added Gavin, taking a sip of his coffee. It was perfect, as always. Nines’ coffee was like a science experiment, not that Gavin knew much about how those actually worked. He thought they were perfect. He remembered his half-brother Eli’s senior quote in high school:  _ Great science is to fondle what’s unfondleable. _

Gavin nodded to himself, content. The coffee was giving him a strange feeling. He wondered how many shots of espresso were in it. Oh well. Nines, psychic as usual, looked at him. 

“Live for the moment,” he said sarcastically. “Get high.”

Gavin frowned. “The self is a countering of the ultra-consistency of the inconceivable, you stupid fuck,” he said, parroting Nines’ usual clinical and intelligent way of speaking.

Hank, who had begun to walk towards the break room, turned back. “Bloggers everywhere, unite for your common goal, full implementation of the metric system,” he said. He was holding a meter stick. Wait, no, Gavin needed to update his prescription. Gavin didn’t even  _ wear _ glasses. That was a cricket stick. Did cricket use sticks? Gavin didn’t know, he wasn’t a fucking Brit.

“Cricket is an art form,” Hank added, and slung the vaguely stick-shaped object over his shoulder before disappearing. 

Nines was still sitting on Gavin’s desk. His LED was yellow, now, indicating that he was Googling something. He looked at Gavin, eyes still glazed over as he Googled things. 

“You cannot dehumanize a liar,” he said seriously, ardently. “Do your best or smile.”

Gavin set down his coffee, praying he wouldn’t knock it over. His heart was full of love. He leaned in and wiped a tear away from Nines’ face. 

“You don’t need to have makeup to make the screaming stop,” he whispered.

Nines’ face hardened, suddenly, like stone. “Needless to say, a cubicle should be exclusively for obnoxious people,” he said through clenched teeth. He was crying. Was this a breakup? Was Gavin not good enough for him? Gavin gasped.

“Face it, you are using a deodorant!” Nines cried out, still quiet so as not to distress the others in the bullpen.

Gavin pulled back and stood, clenching his coffee in one hand. “Regret goes well with loneliness,” he hissed at Nines.

Nines had stopped utilizing Google. “Never let persistence get in the way of a good relationship!” he said, and Gavin instantly felt the regret he had so quickly assigned to Nines.

He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. Nines was right. “The two things you need in order to stay young,” Gavin said slowly, “is a heart and parents.”

Nines nodded. They were in agreement now. Hank was still gone.

“Existence can be dumb,” he said. Gavin laughed. 

“Look sane. Laugh,” he replied, and Nines, not a fan of laughter, smiled.

He fondled Gavin’s shoulder. “Be jolly about the truth. Be ashamed of your shoulders.”

Gavin had forgotten about his argument with Hank. The coffee was good. It would be a good day.

Nines stood and beckoned for Gavin to follow him to the break room, no doubt to refill the now-empty coffee. 

“A toxin can help you cry in public. Cry in front of everybody like a little baby,” he said lovingly, and Gavin smiled.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter! There's art now, drawn by the lovely [Tes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tesisamess)! I am so so sorry to everyone on New Era who had to witness the creation of this monster, especially Tes.

  
  



End file.
